Home alone today with a bit of headache and body weakness, I decided to self assess myself cos I felt funny: feeling of not talking to anyone. Which I don’t understand.
I’ve yet to accurately assess whether it’s a side-effect of either aging or depression (it’s quite possible that they’re one and the same in 2018), but I’ve lost a fair amount of interest in things I used to have quite a bit of interest in: I’ve had enough sex. I make enough money. I don’t necessarily need a promotion. I don’t have much use for drinking anymore. The din of Facebook and Twitter has grown annoying. I don’t watch much TV. I’m over partying and clubbing. I’ve largely soured on the institution of marriage and it doesn’t appear kids are in the cards for me anymore.
I’m 34, have yet to find someone with whom lifelong love has flourished, and I’ve been the lone wolf for so long that I’m not sure it’s even reasonable to expect that I’ll adapt to a life of domestic familial bliss without a good deal of fuss. It’s semi-sad but I’ve made peace with that last part, and it’s freed me up to think of other things.
That’s not to say life is bad: I live in a good city. I love my job. I have a solid and eclectic ensemble of friends. I have a dog who keeps me company and occasionally swats at me. I’ve been everywhere in West Africa I’ve wanted to go and continue to travel. I get to write and make money a lot. I talk to the parts of my family I want to, when I want to. I give back to the community in ways I never really expected, and I’ve even very quietly gotten into attempting to enact meaningful sociopolitical change call PROJECT GIVE ONE GIFT ONE (GOGO)
All that said, these pursuits are nice, and they are meaningful, but they are mostly significant in the way that they ladder up to the two things I really yet want. I think about them all the time, but I’d never quite vocalized them until now:
1. I’d like to see more of the world.
2. I’d like to see less of the world suffer.
Written by :Connoisseurs Bukarie IV