Allow me to be vulnerable with you today.Allow me to be up-close and personal with you today.Permit me to share a bit of me.
Some years ago, I was exposed to consistent heartbreaks. I went through series of disappointments, denials, betrayals, I think failures too and finally fell into depression.
My heartbreaks came from men and women, family and non-family members. Being a person, whose parents shielded from the betrayal, scam and evil of the outside world I didn’t know such things existed.
I trusted everyone regardless of how uncertain my spirit was. People lied to me and lied against me. They gossip and spread lies. I was maltreated, mishandled & faced all shades of betrayals from people. Extended family members I had faith and respect in spread and rejoiced over my misfortune.
But in all this my response was silent & along the line depression set in. I lost appetite for food and could for days without eating solid for. Insomnia, anxiety and trust issues where very relatable to me on daily basis and I was able to sleep I sleep talked.
Because I lost appetite for food, fasting was easier to do which I did twice every week.
I was always restless specially at night and in most of those nights I could go and sit at the parking lot at midnight to cry.
I kept asking myself ”whom did I offend?? Why are people treating me this way??
As the treachery continued, I kept praying and mostly crying. I cried until I became numb, silent and somehow felt this was what God wanted. Honestly, I questioned him and prayed but the cycle persisted for many years.
I was always smiling and encouraging people but inwardly I was tearing apart.
Fast forward; during one of my 7days dry fasting I had a diary that I was documenting my thoughts/voices in my head.
I opened my diary to write my devotion and found myself scribbling 3-page stuffs all from a voice in my head. I soon realize I was partly the cause of my problems. I trusted more, I sort for validation from people and made friends with people I had no business with. I understood what relative means ….
I started building hedges around my life, closing doors that needed to be closed. I trusted less knowing that everyone was not above betraying me.
Prayer become a lifestyle and Jesus my source. My inner circle became really close and tight; the members in this close was God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
My theme for life become “you can’t destroy what you don’t know” and “I am going and coming” that’s all I reveal.
Strangely the cyclical pattern stopped
I learnt my big lesson the hard way that when the bible says:
” Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord “(Jeremiah 17:5-8).
“Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts “(Proverbs 4:23)
” Don’t be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They’ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they’re animals. Stay clear of these people “. (2 Timothy 3:2)
Thank you for reading I will be back with the part 2 of this story.