If you are to ask anyone who is married or divorced about his/her understanding of the role of love in marriage, the answer will be the same; love is not enough to keep and sustain any marriage. Some marriage couples don’t even believe true love exists based on their experiences and what the marriage world is teaching them. Unfortunately, the singles and dating couples find it surprising to hear that love alone doesn’t come close to sustaining or keeping marriage. To them if love is not enough to make marriages work then what else?
Love has a role it plays in marriage but it’s not the only thing that should drive or influence any single or dating couples to marry. If you are to meet any couple experiencing troubles in marriage or who have experienced divorce they will tell you that they once used to strongly love their partners.
Someone will ask then where did the love go? Where did the feelings or rushing of adrenaline go?
The love and feelings didn’t go anywhere. The truth is; the love and emotion that brought you together as couples is not enough to hold you together in marriage.
This is one important reason why any counselor will advise you not to marry someone only because you love the person. This is because a time will come when that feelings of love might not be there and what will be left with you is the other instruments to make your marriage work. Some couples watch their marriages die all because apart from the love they have for their partners they don’t have anything again to make their marriages work.
What then do you need to make your marriage work?
I will share with you some truth every couple will need apart from love to help sustain and keep their marriages or relationship. They are:
Maturity does not only have to do with age or level of one’s education. There are many educated people who don’t know anything about building a relationship.
They only know how to exist in a relationship or marriage but lack what it takes to make the relationship or marriage work. It’s nice to date or marry someone with a Ph.D. Masters or Doctorate but that will not necessarily have any positive effect on your relationship or marriage. Know that titles do not contribute to any successful relationship or marriage building, it’s rather how the individuals handle their relationships.
A mature partner is someone who willingly accepts responsibilities, knows the right thing and does it or knows the wrong thing that destroys relationships and refrains from it and will not sabotage the relationship. If you asses yourself with this definition and see that you don’t fit in it then it means you are not matured and therefore you shouldn’t date or marry someone to give the person problems. Also, if the person you are planning to date or marry doesn’t fit in this definition then reconsider your decision. Because if you go ahead and marry then prepare to experience what you don’t like.
In a research study by The National Bureau of Economic Research, it was found that “well-being effects of marriage are about twice as large for those whose spouse is also their best friend”.
Friendship matters! Although your husband or wife does not necessarily need to be your “best friend”, it still is critical that they are a close companion.
What does that mean? It can mean a lot of things. It means you should enjoy spending time with them, talking to them, have similar interests, laugh with each other, and support each other. You should enjoy each other’s presence whether that is watching a movie, playing sports together, cooking meals, or reading books. It can look different for every couple, but there should be something that you both can have fun doing together like friends do.
Knowledge is the key. What you don’t know about how to build a successful lasting marriage is what will cause you to have issues in your marriage. Knowledge is a key thing and plays a very important role in building your marriage. So the question is what kind of knowledge are you or your partner having in order to help build your marriage.
If you and your partner have a wrong knowledge then it means you guys are going to turn your marriage into a wrong marriage. To be sincere there are certain information that are destructive to any marriage and you handling your marriage based on those information can kill your marriage early.
God’s word and Christian marriage materials are there to equip couples who want to enhance and build a lasting marriage. No single person was born with all the knowledge about marriage. Everyone is expected to learn for himself/herself for the sake of their marriages.
And you are responsible to educate yourself to know and understand your partner, how to handle conflicts, control temper, address issues, attend to your partner’s needs and many more.
MATURITY AND KNOWLEDGE CAN SAVE YOU FROM MANY TEARS.
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