Hello Mr. Former me,
You don’t know me but I know who broke(or will break) your heart.
Isn’t it funny how brothers can be found anywhere? We’re not related by blood but we sure bled from the same sword. Although, you probably do know me. I may have appeared in your envious subconscious, and maybe that’s because she conjured my name and our tale from his lips. Tell me, the story she painted of me — is it pretty at least? Did she at least tell you that I loved her with every sick fiber of my being? And even when i caught her cheating severally(probably with you) i still gave her a chance? Of course not, because you’re next in her line of mishaps. Hahahahaha
Did you hear my scream too? When she broke the news that she just can’t be what she told you she was going to be? Different, better, “I want to actually try this time”, “you make me better”. Those words, they echo, don’t they? No matter how much she repeats them, they still sound believable, and you can’t help but fall on your knees each time. I know you are tired of having bruised knees and a heart that is always yearning, wishing, hoping
As a student of literature let me tell you; She will age with every birthday an ever-unmoored person, but you and I? we are specks of dust in her galaxies, even when she used to call us her moon. And we will lose our youth trying to undo what she wrecked, and we probably won’t ever say hello to each other.
Because you think I’m bitter and I think you’re lucky because you got her after I had already tried to fix her. But let’s be honest, no amount of our love would even make a dent in her. You know why………..
Your playlist is mine too, the songs in it share the same melodic heartbreak, they just have different added dates. Think carefully about it.
Your smile is mine, she falls for those whose smile she can take and give back anytime she wants. I think she may have seen my smile reflected in yours, the same hopeful smile that she translates as needy, and gets mad when she did. Maybe that had something to do with her running away, but don’t tell her I said that. Am serious ’cause its a secret i hope she doesn’t know i know.
And your heart is mine, I know because it beats the same name over and over. It blinks at night in the monitor as we try to drown the hurt with sleep, but we won’t, at least for the next eight months. Mind you, mine took a little longer. She isn’t getting much sleep either, only she snores in different beds(if you know what i mean) — and they too will one day beat with the same heart we do. This i can promise.
So I know you, I know what your tears taste like and how it parts your cheeks as it falls. I know how you burn on your bed and how you feel like ashes every time you wake up. This pain we share —it eats you from inside out, and somehow we still find a way to blame ourselves. I hope it mends you one day, to think that someone out there knows how to stop putting songs into the playlist and have your heart blink a normal beat. One day you will stop bleeding because I did.
I’m sorry I can’t give you the map this time, but I hope you find it well.
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